PIKE'S CORNER I have seriously started to wonder how much trouble I woukd get in with my family, if I accidentally put my brother up for sale on Craigslist? He is just mind numbingly stupid and no amount of fun party tricks that mom teaches him will every make him even the least bit redeemable to me. Sure he can, flop, roll over, pound it, shake, high 10, huli, loop it, dance and hunt (hide and seek) with the best of them, but aside from these tricks the dog is super dumb. For example, the other night my sister was warching the equestrian events in the Olympics and Newton ever the poser sat there watching them on the sofa right next to her for over an hour. First of all, I have to give it to him; he is not allowed on the sofa. However, he has figured out if he acts interested in whatever the family is watching. he can worm his way up on to the sofa and they don't really seem to notice. For the record I tried this and was promptly sent to my bed. He has also figure out that if dad is at the far end of the sofa the best thing to do is worm under a pillow so when dad looks to the other end he is basically invisible and dad almost never sees him. Mom and sister look at cach other like a cat that just ate an entire flock of canaries. When dad finally does notice the dog is suspiciously absent from his bed and looks to the end of the sofa properly they both act like they too had no idca Newton was there. Dad smiles at them both lovingly and knowingly and lets it slide with a grimace on his brow and a smile on his lips. I catch dads eye as if to say you I hear you my dude, I hear you. Then there is the food situation, which at this point is straight up torture. Now before I explain let me just say my special kidney diet is the worst excuse for food I have ever eaten. Secondly, if Rome after 11 years in the same house with me has not learned to cat faster, I cannor and will not be held responsible for accidentally cating his food while it is left unattended. The fact I did this 2 times in one day and basically consumed 4 cups instead of my regular 2 cups a day was not my fault. Besides Newron gets 4 cups a food a day. Dad said he is still growing. Let me be clkar the only thing growing on that dog are his DOOBS (dog boobs) no not his nipples, get your beads out of the gutter, his pecs. When he runs the front area of his chest sways back and forth like one of those girls on the show my brother used to like with the girls in the tiny red swimsuits (for the record he was a teenager and I am pretty sure their heads are always in the gutter). Anyway, my sister suggested to dad that perhaps Newton needs to start wearing a sports bra when he runs. My mom said no don't be silly, he is just a sturdy guy. Dad said, "no he doesn't need a sports bra (can you imagine) he is just a very thick dog" (thick in the head I thought). Then my sister the traitor said the worst possible thing she could say. She called him beefcake! The she declared him one hot dog and winked at my mom sending the two of them in to uproarious laughter. My dad deciding this was a pretty funny description of Newton turned and said to him "come here you big ole' beef cake". I could have sold the whole family on Craigslist at thar point. He is getting 4 cups a day and hanging on the sofa. I on the other hand, am stuck being watched by the kibble Gestapo daily and watching from across the room as Newton, the sturdy, thick, beefcake is lying on the sofa next to my girl and faking it until he makes it. At keast I don't have DOOBS, I think to myself, as I walk by the floor length mirror. You just wait Newton, revenge is a dish best served cold. frozen sports bra coming right up. - Ruff, Keauhou Veterinary Hospital, Experience your pet deserves, Experience you can trust. Best Pet Care LACE BEST Hawaii 2020 12 Years! BEST Hewal 2020 AAHA Keauhou Veterinary Hospital, LLC Jacob Head, DVM ACCREDITED 808-322-2988/Fax 808-322-2303 78-6728 Walua Road · Kailua Kona www.keauhouvet.com 7:30-5:00 Monday-Friday 8-5 pm on Saturday Emergency call 24/7 PIKE'S CORNER I have seriously started to wonder how much trouble I woukd get in with my family, if I accidentally put my brother up for sale on Craigslist? He is just mind numbingly stupid and no amount of fun party tricks that mom teaches him will every make him even the least bit redeemable to me. Sure he can, flop, roll over, pound it, shake, high 10, huli, loop it, dance and hunt (hide and seek) with the best of them, but aside from these tricks the dog is super dumb. For example, the other night my sister was warching the equestrian events in the Olympics and Newton ever the poser sat there watching them on the sofa right next to her for over an hour. First of all, I have to give it to him; he is not allowed on the sofa. However, he has figured out if he acts interested in whatever the family is watching. he can worm his way up on to the sofa and they don't really seem to notice. For the record I tried this and was promptly sent to my bed. He has also figure out that if dad is at the far end of the sofa the best thing to do is worm under a pillow so when dad looks to the other end he is basically invisible and dad almost never sees him. Mom and sister look at cach other like a cat that just ate an entire flock of canaries. When dad finally does notice the dog is suspiciously absent from his bed and looks to the end of the sofa properly they both act like they too had no idca Newton was there. Dad smiles at them both lovingly and knowingly and lets it slide with a grimace on his brow and a smile on his lips. I catch dads eye as if to say you I hear you my dude, I hear you. Then there is the food situation, which at this point is straight up torture. Now before I explain let me just say my special kidney diet is the worst excuse for food I have ever eaten. Secondly, if Rome after 11 years in the same house with me has not learned to cat faster, I cannor and will not be held responsible for accidentally cating his food while it is left unattended. The fact I did this 2 times in one day and basically consumed 4 cups instead of my regular 2 cups a day was not my fault. Besides Newron gets 4 cups a food a day. Dad said he is still growing. Let me be clkar the only thing growing on that dog are his DOOBS (dog boobs) no not his nipples, get your beads out of the gutter, his pecs. When he runs the front area of his chest sways back and forth like one of those girls on the show my brother used to like with the girls in the tiny red swimsuits (for the record he was a teenager and I am pretty sure their heads are always in the gutter). Anyway, my sister suggested to dad that perhaps Newton needs to start wearing a sports bra when he runs. My mom said no don't be silly, he is just a sturdy guy. Dad said, "no he doesn't need a sports bra (can you imagine) he is just a very thick dog" (thick in the head I thought). Then my sister the traitor said the worst possible thing she could say. She called him beefcake! The she declared him one hot dog and winked at my mom sending the two of them in to uproarious laughter. My dad deciding this was a pretty funny description of Newton turned and said to him "come here you big ole' beef cake". I could have sold the whole family on Craigslist at thar point. He is getting 4 cups a day and hanging on the sofa. I on the other hand, am stuck being watched by the kibble Gestapo daily and watching from across the room as Newton, the sturdy, thick, beefcake is lying on the sofa next to my girl and faking it until he makes it. At keast I don't have DOOBS, I think to myself, as I walk by the floor length mirror. You just wait Newton, revenge is a dish best served cold. frozen sports bra coming right up. - Ruff, Keauhou Veterinary Hospital, Experience your pet deserves, Experience you can trust. Best Pet Care LACE BEST Hawaii 2020 12 Years! BEST Hewal 2020 AAHA Keauhou Veterinary Hospital, LLC Jacob Head, DVM ACCREDITED 808-322-2988/Fax 808-322-2303 78-6728 Walua Road · Kailua Kona www.keauhouvet.com 7:30-5:00 Monday-Friday 8-5 pm on Saturday Emergency call 24/7